Solid Perfume Forums General Discussions One Liners!

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  • Petals
    Member
    Post count: 2373

    Bus waited for me as I was running like mad to catch it this morning. Lovely driver! On leaving said to the Driver:

    '' I expect you have lots of elderly ladies running after you during the
    day!''

    Driver /wink.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’wink.gif’ />

    Don and Margaret
    Member
    Post count: 527

    Margaret “My back is hurting really badly tonight”

    Don– “How is your face?”

    Margaret— “My face? It's ok”

    Don— “Well, it's killing me.” <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    Doghouse?, yep <img src='style_emoticons//ph34r.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’ph34r.gif’ />

    After Don quit smoking he gained a lot of weight. We were talking to some good friends one night and the lady said she was thinking about quitting but was afraid of gaining weight.

    Don—“Yeah, I gained some when I quit”

    Lady friend—“If I looked like you I'd start smoking again.”

    Don—- <img src='style_emoticons//ohmy.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’ohmy.gif’ />

    Next

    Petals
    Member
    Post count: 2373

    <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />

    VEGAS LADY
    Member
    Post count: 976

    They say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but myself I am not so sure, after all why give yourself a heart attack shouting at someone when a good sarcastic one liner will do the job just as well.

    Here are a couple that I will use if really pushed to the limit, after all as you go through life you do meet some nasty people.

    We once had some dreadful neighbours who would not do a simple house repair that was causeing damage to our property. For eighteen months I asked them to do this repair and in the end I had to send them a Solicitors letter. When they got this letter the woman of the house came to my door and started shouting, I let her stand there and shout for two or three mins then said………

    I SEE THIS IS YET ANOTHER DAY YOU HAVE DESIGNATED TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.

    They moved a few weeks later


    I was in the supermarket line and the man before me was giving the checkout assistant a really hard time, he then started on me. I just looked at him straight between the eyes and said in a very loud voice……….

    I WOULD LOVE TO STAND HERE ALL DAY AND PIT MY WITS AGAINST YOU, BUT I DON'T FIGHT UNARMED OPPONENTS.

    The whole line burst out laughing, he stood there for a few seconds and then the penny dropped……..EXIT ONE NASTY MAN, VERY FAST.


    Regards to you all………Margaret… <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />

    Petals
    Member
    Post count: 2373

    Just received:

    My mother could never see the irony in calling me a son=of-a-bitch!

    Jack Nicholson

    <img src='style_emoticons//ph34r.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’ph34r.gif’ />

    Sandra
    Participant
    Post count: 2188

    Jacky: <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />
    Don: <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />
    Margaret: It seems we have similar neighbours. I'd love to see my horrible neighbours move too !! Congratulations on getting rid of them. I can only live in hope. Also, I wish I had the balls to say what I think to rude people too . . . you are a star for standing up for yourself! <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    OK, here's a line I stole from someone:

    Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the
    hell happened (Cora Harvey Armstrong)

    VEGAS LADY
    Member
    Post count: 976

    THIS IS A GOOD ONE, AND WAS SAID TO ME A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO…. <img src='style_emoticons//ohmy.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’ohmy.gif’ />

    I have a very dear, very, very glamorous friend who I have know for years and she is having a full face lift later this month. We were standing in front of my large mirror looking at our faces and the conversation went like this…….

    ME……Why are you having it done, your face is better than mine.

    FRIEND….Well I can see my looks going and it is upsetting me, are you going to have it done?

    ME……No I am happy as I am

    FRIEND…..Well I suppose if you have never had the looks you do not miss them….OUCH!!!!!!!!!! <img src='style_emoticons//ohmy.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’ohmy.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//sad.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’sad.gif’ /> HOW MUCH ARSNIC WOULD YOU LIKE IN YOUR COFFEE…. <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />

    The best of it was she never realized what she had said.

    Regards to all who look in the mirror and wonder what happened.

    Margaret………. <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    Don and Margaret
    Member
    Post count: 527

    Margaret–ouch indeed. <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    Dons' father was talking to a man once and the conversation went like this:

    Dons' father— “I'm 89 years old”

    Man— “No way you can be that old” —-pause—“Well now that I look closely at you I guess you are”

    <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    katita
    Member
    Post count: 567

    WOW! to all the stupid people out there who DON'T EVEN KNOW when they're insulting you. <!–emo&<_<img src='style_emoticons//dry.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’dry.gif’ />

    My Dad (in my opinion) had the best OOPS one liner – my mother was very pregnant with my younger sister and was standing next to a woman at a backyard BBQ – my Dad awoke from a nap, walked over to his very pregnant wife and woman and said, “So when are you due?”
    The woman said “I'm not pregnant”

    OUCH!!! <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//blink.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’blink.gif’ />

    Katita

    VEGAS LADY
    Member
    Post count: 976

    Hi Katia…. <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ />

    Hi Don and Margaret….. <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ />

    Don't worry, the next time she comes for coffee I will have a nice selection of cream cakes for her to choose from, knowing her she will eat the lot. I will sit and smile… <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ /> She's at least two stone overweight and trying to slim…… <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />

    Only kidding,…..OR AM I…… <!–emo&<_<img src='style_emoticons//dry.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’dry.gif’ /> <img src='style_emoticons//wink.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’wink.gif’ />

    Margaret

    Petals
    Member
    Post count: 2373

    Margaret, your friend needs glasses!

    I have been in your company enough times to know how you look!

    Perhaps that is why she is having the face lift…..to keep up with you!

    <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ />

    I MUST SAY IT WAS NEVERTHELESS A GREAT ONE LINER ! <img src='style_emoticons//wink.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’wink.gif’ />

    LOVE ALL THOSE LISTED! GIVING ME A LAUGH…..

    and ''Laugh and the world laughs with you…..Cry and you cry alone!'' who wrote that……….??

    next………

    VEGAS LADY
    Member
    Post count: 976

    Don't know who wrote that Jacky, but will ask someone that I know, he has all the books on sayings.

    Gee thanks for the kind words…… <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ />

    Margaret

    katita
    Member
    Post count: 567

    “Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep, and you weep alone” are the first lines from the poem “Solitude” written by Ella Wheeler Wilcox and published on Feb. 25, 1883. She even received $5 payment for it's publication.

    That's our English Literature lesson for today – remember this WILL be on the test.

    Study hard – and Laugh Often!

    Katita <img src='style_emoticons//biggrin.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’biggrin.gif’ />

    Petals
    Member
    Post count: 2373

    Thank you Katita!

    <img src='style_emoticons//smile.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’smile.gif’ />

    VEGAS LADY
    Member
    Post count: 976


    MANY THANKS KATITA….. <img src='style_emoticons//laugh.gif’ border=’0′ style=’vertical-align:middle’ alt=’laugh.gif’ />

    Regards Margaret

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